No Pardons for Snowden

Edward Snowden

Last week the Obama administration made it perfectly clear, if Snowden is ever to get a presidential pardon, it wouldn’t be from them.



For most Americans, the case of Edward Snowden being pardoned for his actions is a tough one to suss out. On one hand he did uncover one of the most egregious government surveillance programs in US history. Then again, by doing so he did unveil sensitive government intelligence which compromised numerous operations overseas.


The public’s internal conflict over Snowden getting a presidential pardon is similar to how we feel about Taco Bell’s Beefy Fritos Burrito. Sure we all know there’s as much beef in that burrito as there is in a yoga mat, but when you’re drunk around 1:00 am, you can’t help but that chemically homogenized faux-beef food crime of a burrito in your stomach.


“All we’re saying is Taco Bell’s Beefy Fritos Burrito is like the Edward Snowden of food products. That’s all.”

“All we’re saying is Taco Bell’s Beefy Fritos Burrito is like the Edward Snowden of food products. That’s all.”


To the White House however, the Edward Snowden situation is very clear; there won’t be any pardons issued to Snowden now or anytime in the near future. The message came from the Obama administration last week after the White House responded to a petition regarding Snowden’s pardon on their “We the People” website; their one stop shop for petitions that include transferring of funds from the drug war to the R&D of genetic engineering of domestic cat girls and shutting down of “We the People” because it’s wasting tax payer dollars.


The official word came from Lisa Monaco – President Obama’s advisor on Homeland Security and Counterterrorism issues. She stated that even though the President was working with Congress on creating “appropriate reforms” to balance civil liberties and national security, in the case of Snowden however they feel “his actions were consistent with civil disobedience” and that he should come back to the US to “accept the consequences of his actions.” In layman’s terms, they want Snowden to come back to the US, but they also want to throw the book at him when he does.


Much like how Jimmy Carter pardoned draft dodgers in the late-70’s, I think the same thing will eventually happen to Snowden as well. But one thing is for certain, that pardon won’t be coming from President Obama.


So in that case the Obama administration could always try and get Snowden by telling him he won a free boat?



Hey it worked on The Simpsons. There are no bad ideas here people!



(Photo Credits: Google Images, Taco Bell, YouTube)


Leave a Comment

Filed under News

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.