A Chronicle of “Deez Nuts”

The Book of Jokes

Our journey into understanding the dumbest, yet oddly profound, joke of the 2016 campaign season.

 

 

The following is a timeline of events in which we found out that candidate Deez Nuts had 9% of the GOP primary votes in North Carolina. Come join us as we recount this strange and incredible journey.

 

 

August 19, 2015

 

10:00 AM:

Ok so clearly someone has hacked the local news agencies’ social media accounts in North Carolina, because they’re all reporting that “Deez Nuts” is polling at 9% in the GOP primary polls for that state.

 

10:02 AM:

HA! Have to admit, that’s pretty good joke! Well done Internet hackers, well done.

 

1:00 PM:

 

1:10 PM:

Chris Rock Confused

 

4:00 PM:

It took a while for news agencies to really understand what the hell was going on, but as of that moment, here’s what people knew about Candidate Nuts…

 

  • In the latest Public Policy Poll shows the candidate “Deez Nuts” to currently be at 9% in North Carolina.

  • Deez Nuts is beating Republicans Carly Fiorina, Mike Huckabee, and Scott Walker. Oh, also he’s in a dead heat with Marco Rubio!

  • Deez Nuts originally filed a statement of candidacy on July 26 and doesn’t have any campaign contributions to their name.

 

4:30 PM:

Yup, legit!

Deez Nuts Registration

 

7:00 PM:

Deez Nuts has started trending both on Twitter and Facebook. I don’t know what politics is anymore.

 

8:00 PM  

Hot Take on Deez Nuts: (Editor’s Note – PHRASING!) Deez Nuts getting 9% of the GOP primary vote just proves why the lead that Donald Trump currently enjoys is basically meaningless. We are so far away from actual votes being cast that polls are basically meaningless.

 

I guess what we’re saying is early polling are like the Kardashians, even though everyone knows they’re kind of useless, people still put WAY too much stock in them.

 

9:00 PM:

While watching The Dark Knight another thought. If Deez Nuts candidacy shows everyone how crazy it is to assume Trump will win the nomination from this early lead, then maybe Deez Nuts is the hero we deserve, but not the one we need right now. So we’ll all mock him or her. Because they can take it. Because they’re not our hero. They’re a silent guardian, a watchful protector.

 

Basically what we’re saying is Deez Nuts is the political equivalent of Batman.

 

THINK ABOUT IT!!

 

 

August 20, 2015

 

8:00 AM

This was a quote on Foreign Policy’s website in regards to a story on Deez Nuts. (Editor’s Note: Seriously guys, PHRASING!!)

 

“Campaign officials for Fiorina, Huckabee, Walker, Rick Santorum, and Donald Trump did not respond immediately to requests Wednesday to discuss Deez Nuts.”

 

And now the funniest thing on this very site has officially come from Foreign Policy Magazine.

 

Shut It Down

 

9:00 AM

Overnight much more info was found on the first great hero of the 2016 electoral cycle.

 

  • Deez Nuts has polled pretty decently in a few battleground states. They currently have 9% of the vote in North Carolina, 8% of the vote in Minnesota, and 7% in Iowa.

  • I love the fact that every report out there is describing the “Deez Nuts” joke in their reporting.

  • According to Foreign Policy Magazine, Deez Nuts contacted Public Policy Polling – the guys who actually tabulate the early polling results – and asked to include them in the GOP primary polling. Deez Nuts is in it, to win it!!

 

9:30 AM

It was around that time when we realized that just like blindly following polls five months before an election, we have to stop covering Deez Nuts. (Editor’s Note: FUCK IT, I GIVE UP!)

 

Till Deez Nuts hits the news cycle again (Editor’s Note: Ok, now you guys are just doing it on purpose…), we bid them adieu.

 

 

 

(Photo Credit: Twitter, Google Images, Youtube)

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