As Complicated as Ordering a Pizza

Group Of Teenagers Eating Pizza

How immigration reform is like ordering a pizza at a house party.



On Monday a group of states brought a suit against the federal government claiming that President Obama’s executive action on immigration would add additional public services, which would increase costs, putting additional burdens on already tight budgets. They put up a convincing enough argument that the judge ruled the Obama administration would have to prove its case before going forward with the order. Not to mention Congress is refusing to fund the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) if the Obama administration doesn’t rescind its executive action. In which DHS’ funding runs out in the next couple of days.


I know, this can get confusing. So to explain this whole situation better, imagine if immigration reform were a pizza.


You’re at this house party where everyone is hungry, so getting a pizza is a great idea! The problem is however no one can decide what toppings to get. So the Obama administration decides to order a half-deportation protection and half-citizenship limitation pizza, sans the 160-mile steel wired-fence crust, because – let’s face it – would be unnecessary and cost extra.


Half and Half pizza

“This pizza is a symbol of American compromise! And immigration reform. It’s two symbols.”



For a while everything looks to be copacetic. Until the pizza guy knocks on the door and the states answer. See the states are kind of like your stoner friends in this scenario. Even though the Obama administration ordered the pizza because they wouldn’t shut-up about it, they don’t want to pay for anything even though everyone knows those motherfuckers are going to be eating the entire thing!


Pinapple Express

“Just once could you pay for the god damn pizza!”



Then you have Congress. Or as everyone knows them as, those guys that like the smell of paste. Even if they can never seem to do anything else other than eat paste, the people at the party keep nominating them to figure out the whole pizza situation. But instead of doing that they were asked to do, they just ended up sitting in the corner and eating paste the whole time.


Congress at Work

Congress at Work



Now since the Obama administration ordered the pizza, Congress is pissed that they weren’t included in the decision of the pizza toppings, even though both of them know, they were never planning on ordering that fucking thing anyway. Still Congress is so upset that you don’t include them on this, they are threatening to burn down the Department of Homeland Security’s (DHS) house. Granted DHS’ house is pretty shitty to begin with, but all they are doing is just hosting the party. So why is Congress getting them involved? More over doesn’t burning down the whole house seem a little extreme?


Probably because they aren’t the sharpest of kids.


Between the threats of burning down the house and the states not wanting to pay for the pizza, the Obama administration decides to hold-off on the whole pizza idea. The problem is that you still have a house full of people that really need that pizza. Around 3.5 million of them. Until then, the party is more like this…


the party



(Photo Credits: Google Images)


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