Political Parallel Universes

Parallel Universes

Scientists believe a truly rare and beautiful scientific anomaly took place on Wednesday night. The simultaneous crossing of parallel universes.



On what looked to be just an average Wednesday night became anything but for many theoretical physicists. In a once in a lifetime phenomenon, a crossing of parallel universes had occurred on the exact moment that former White House press secretary Jay Carney made his debut as CNN commentator with Arizona Sen. John McCain. It happened moments after President Barack Obama had addressed the nation regarding military action against the terrorist group ISIS.


Scientists believe during this time two parallel universes were able to watch this CNN program simultaneously as it happened live in our universe. Occupying the same space and time as our own, both universes had reported on what became a heated exchange between Carney and Sen. McCain on President Obama’s handling of ISIS. Even though both universes had witnessed the exact same program from our universe, each had documented the televised event differently.


The next morning scientists studied both responses and made a few deductions on each of the parallel universes.


In one universe – what scientists have named Universe A – came out believing that Sen. McCain had asked the hard questions that no one else was willing to ask. They believed someone finally was holding the Obama Administration accountable for their actions. On a popular website called The Daily Beast, the online outlet had commented,


“The two Washington denizens–one, a 78-year-old former prisoner of war who suffered years of torture in the Hanoi Hilton, the other a 49-year-old battle-scarred veteran of Georgetown cocktail parties and the political intrigues of Time magazine—kept trying to talk over each other for several riveting minutes.


In a way, the good senator saved the former White House mouthpiece from the essential dilemma of his new role: If he’s too dispassionate and disinterested in his analyses of the Obama administration, he might risk burning some very monetizable bridges for which any number of large corporations would happily pay him handsomely. If he’s too loyal and scripted, the viewers and even CNN’s bosses might dismiss him as a flack and a hack, and decide not to renew his presumably lucrative contract (we’re probably not talking Chelsea Clinton money here, but still).”  


Scientists are convinced that in Universe A, Carney must have resigned as White House press secretary in shame and only Democrats take lucrative private industry jobs after leaving public office.


As for the other universe – named Universe B – they had a very different take on the exchange between Carney and Sen. McCain. In this universe, based on the accounts of a Huffington Post piece, scientists deduce that Sen. McCain verbally attacked Carney without any provocation. They also believe that the whole incident was staged by CNN for ratings. The Huffington Post stated that,


“Wednesday was former White House press secretary Jay Carney’s first night as a CNN commentator, so the network did the nice thing and brought John McCain on to yell at him for a while about President Obama’s speech on ISIS. Since McCain loves both TV and arguing, it made for a lengthy brawl. Carney mostly kept his cool and defended his former boss as McCain accused him of lying about lots of things. It ended when McCain left to appear on every other television channel on earth.”


In Universe A, scientists have concluded that President Obama must have taken quick action on ISIS last year by arming the Syrian opposition. Also in this universe, Sen. McCain must never make salient points when it comes to military issues and has absolutely no experience within the armed forces.


When scientists are asked if they are sure that two separate parallel universes had actually witnessed a television event within our own, they conclude that based on the two separate reactions, it must be the only answer. Since President Obama’s the handling of ISIS is not as black and white as the other two universes are claiming it is, the idea of two separate parallel universes witnessing that CNN segment in our own universe is the only logical explanation.



(Photo Credit: Google Images)


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