Texts from an American President: Gone Golfin’

obama golf

Can the police give me a ticket if I text while operating a golf cart?

 

 

What do I have in common with the most powerful man in the free world? We both have cell phones with text plans. So I figured we use them to talk about the backlash over his most recent golf outing. Because like everyone in the media, I’m concerned.

 

 

Me: hey, I always wondered. what’s your handicap?

Obama: great… just what I needed. you giving me guff about this whole golf thing

Me: what? naw man, you do you! you’re the PRESIDENT OF THE FREAKING UNITED STATES!!! you should be allowed on the golf course whenever you want

Obama: EXACTLY!

Me: I mean Tiger Woods won his first maters like 50 yrs ago or something. and what about that Vijay Singh guy. I bet he’s pretty good. and what about those other guys

[silence]  

Me: ok so I don’t know any other minority golfers.

Me: :p

Me: still, guys like tiger woods broke the stigma of minority golfers a long time ago!!!!

Obama: hold on. why do you think people are mad about me golfing?

Me: I don’t know. because you’re black. LOL

Obama: what? no

Obama: they’re mad because they think I’m playing golf rather than attending to crises. or that’s what they think anyway…

Me: NO? WORD!!!!!! LOL

Obama: yeah. it was all over the news!

Me: hold up for a second

 


 

Me: HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!

Obama: what?

Me: you weren’t kidding! just a simple google search brought back a ton of stuff on the subject

Me: hell there’s even a guy that keeps a running tally for all the times you hit the course during your presidency! it’s very quaint in that “I want to wear your skin as a hat” sort of way…

Obama: yeah… secret service is keeping an eye on that one

Me: here’s another person at the new york times reimagining the gettingsburg address into golf references about you

Obama: what?!?

Me: #LincolnSlam

Me: LOL

Me: yeah, it kinda just goes on and on from there.

Obama: yeah. it’s been a rough weekend

Me: 🙁

Me: but here’s the thing that bugs me

Obama: what?

Me: of all the things to harp on regarding your presidency, why you playing golf?

Obama: exactly! this criticism is completely unfounded!

Obama: did you know bush took way more vacations than me at this point in his presidency?! you don’t see them reporting that!

Me: also, there are so many things they could be criticizing

Obama: hold on, what…

Me: like your continuous expansion of the NSA

Me: or how you convict government whistleblowers

Obama: alright

Me: or how you keep needlessly escalating wars in the middle east

Obama: ok we get it…

Me: or a slow economic recovery

Obama: you can stop now…

Me: or your administration being mum on net neutrality until public outcry

Me: or bringing in individuals to reform that financial system that caused it in the first place

Me: like there are SO much more they could complain about

Me: RIGHT!

[silence]

Me: right?

[silence]

Me: obama? b-hizzy?

[silence]

Me: that’s cool. I’ll tell you the other criticisms later

 

 

(Photo Credit: Reuters)

 

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