Texts from an American President: Corporate Deserters

obama texting 2

If adding emoticons to a conversation about corporate tax loopholes doesn’t add levity to the issue, then really what does?



What do I have in common with the most powerful man in the free world? We both have cell phones with text plans. So I figured we use them to talk about his recent comments on “corporate deserters” and tax loopholes for businesses. You know, best friend shit!




Obama: ok seriously how do you keep getting this number?

Me: oh come on b-dawg. don’t be like that. just wanted to ask a quick question.

Obama: alright. what is it?

Me: :))))))))))))

Me: you mentioned last thursday at a speech at some technical college in LA that your want to target corporations trying to weasel out of paying taxes through tax loopholes.

Obama: yes. so what of it?

Me: well I just wanted to ask, you serious about that or is this just a stump speech for the 2014 midterms. because sen. thune kept telling me it was just an empty campaign issue to rally the base. say it ain’t so b-dawg!?!

Obama: ok first stop calling me b-dawg. second sen. thune is wrong. this is an issue about fairness in american society! If a waitress or a construction worker must pay their taxes, why shouldn’t corporations?


Me: totally o-town! that’s what I kept telling thune and he was like, he’s only grandstanding for the public and all that. and I was like, naw man you don’t know him, like I do! telling how we’re best friends and shit.

Obama: we aren’t best friends. or friends at all for that matter.

Me: :_(

Me: that’s cold big b.

Obama: well i don’t exactly despise you or anything. so take that as however you like.

Me: : D

Me: i’ll let it slide. you’re under a lot of stress.

Obama: thanks. i guess?

Me: so when is this passing? like this week right? congress gets a month off after this week.


Me: you don’t think sen. john walsh’s plagiarism story is going to sink the bill because he’s sponsoring it? right?


Me: b-dawg?


Me: o-town?


Me: obama-nation?


Me: i’m taking your silence as it’s definitely passing and not being dead on arrival. if that’s the case DON’T RESPOND AT ALL!!!

Obama: later.

Me: : – |

Me: later.

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