Ohio is Changing


Does God not hating Ohio anymore count as a crisis of faith?



Remember when things used to make sense?


Remember those heady days when God hated Ohio?


Sure, South Carolina’s policies might be the butt end of every punchline and Missouri may be the meth-iest state in the Union, but one thing always stood true, God’s distaste for Ohio – particularly for Cleveland – was well documented. It was something that you could count on!


Now that’s all changed.


Ohio has their prodigal son back, Johnny Football has people talking about the Browns without having the phrase sure choked coming after it, and on top of all that the GOP is holding their 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland. You know what that means; plenty of donor parties and political pandering are in Ohio’s future! The question is who will the Republicans be pandering to?


In a recent report by the Associate Press (AP), major demographic shifts have taken place in the swing-state of Ohio. The first time in decades, working-class whites will no longer be the majority among Ohio’s eligible voters. The once working-class demographic of whites, age 18 to 64 with less than a bachelor’s degree, was the golden demographic for candidates. But those voters are starting to get older (pushing 65 and older) and the people replacing them? Non-white eligible voters and college educated white voters.


blue collar

This is what people who actually have done a hard day’s work do right? I wouldn’t know. I’m a political writer.


This year around 48 percent of eligible voters will be working class whites, which is down from 66 percent back in the 1980’s. The group was always up for grabs for both parties with Republicans targeting those deeply-religious in the rural areas and the Democrats locking onto unionized blue-collared workers in the cities.


This new demographic however can be a little tricky for the Republicans. Historically speaking, college educated whites and minorities tend to vote Democrat in major races. Also with the line-up you’re presenting statewide in November GOP – all but one male and all white candidates – you might run into some problems.


If we may be of any assistance?


After doing a little research on the matter, we have deduced that your best chances of capturing white college educated voters would be if you were endorsed by Conan O’Brian, while toughening your stance on the no Ed Hardy apparel platform as you casually mention your time at an Ivy League school where you met your Asian wife. With that game plan, the Democrats don’t stand a chance!


You’re welcome GOP.


As for you Ohio? You just keep doing you man! You just pulled a She’s All That, now you’re the most popular girl on Prom Night and Freddy Prince Jr awaits!


Oh what the hell, queue the music!



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